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The Tipsy Muse Hall of Light



Event III Awards for
The Tipsy Muse Poetry Contest
Autumn 2001

Contest Judge:


The topic
And the envelope please...
The winners' circle
The current Tipsy Muse Poetry Contest guidelines



The Topic

Topic #3: An epigrams of 1 to 4 rhymed couplets which somewhere use the word "gardyloo".

And the envelope please...
An (open) letter from Topic #3 Judge, X. J. Kennedy to Tipsy's right hand man, Mike Juster  [p.s. I have copied Tipsy.]

Dear Mike,

Many thanks for your CARE package of poetry, and for collecting all those Muse entries. I sat down at once and devoured them with fascination. It's really heartening to see so many able poets still kowtowing to the muse of lightness and formality.

After deep deliberation, I'd pick the winners as follows. I hope that, in view of the brevity of the entries, the difficulty of the challenge, and the wealth of good stuff, FOUR honorable mentions might be allowed. I don't know if the honorable mentions need to be ranked, but in case they are I'd pick them in the order indicated.

Grand prize winner:

author of "Without Chemicals Life Itself Would Be Impossible." This one goes deep, and (in line two) expands the range of permissible poetic diction like crazy.

Honorable mentions:

  1. "New Hearing Aid." What a little tragedy this poet encompasses in six lines! It has the ring of truth.

  2. "Get Out the Pith Helmets!" I'm a sucker for epigrams about epigrams, even though to write them is sort of like taking in your own washing.

  3. "Slim in Edinburgh."

  4. "A Grinchy Surprise."

All of these were written splendidly well, and made me laugh.

Best regards, ever,



The Winners' Circle

The Grand Prize Winner ($200.00)
Christopher Wagner

The Honorable Mentions ($20.00)
Larry Eucher
Tony Hoffman


Grand Prize

Without Chemicals Life Itself Would Be Impossible
By Christopher Wagner

The rain in Spain is bound to contain
And wafting discreetly through highland passes
Are colorless, odorless, perilous gases.
Our slops are so modern, so slyly hidden
Nobody minds that the world is a midden,
O blest be this waste without taste or hue!
How quaint it all was to yell ‘gardyloo!’

Click here to visit Christopher Wagner's start page. 


Honorable Mention

New Hearing Aid
By Larry Eucher

For thirty years of married life
I thought I had a loving wife,
But kenning now to my dismay,
As I depart to start my day,
That all those years her fond adieu
Was "gardyloo", not "toodle-oo".



Honorable Mention

Get Out the Pith Helmets!
By Tony Hoffman

An epigram should be succinct; it should be pithy, too
so fill a zinger up with pith and heave it: “Gardyloo!”



Honorable Mention

Slim In Edinburgh
By "Solan"

He sold the latest diet for the wrecked:
A cigarette with laxative effect!

He found no buyers on the Royal Mile
Though everywhere he looked, he got a smile.

For on his sign "You can't believe it's true!"
Was added "Surgeon's warning: Gardyloo."



Honorable Mention

A Grinchy Surprise
By "lytiamb"

As the Grinch snuck away, with the tree in his sack,
From the house of one Cindy Lou Who,
He deserved what he felt on his head and his back,
And the offal outcry: "Gardyloo!"

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